Create-a-Caption: Rudy Gay isn’t so sure about Team USA’s stretching regimen

In three weeks' time, when Team USA is taking on the world's best in London and Rudy Gay is watching from home, he'll find himself wondering if his reluctance to participate in the "Crane Style Repeated Groin Thrust" drill kept him off the national team roster. It will haunt him ... until he cranks up the Lee Greenwood, takes to one leg and, his thoughts focused laser-like on the 2014 World Cup of Basketball, begins humping the air in his basement. God bless America.

Best caption wins the real-deal, legit Stretch Armstrong (not really). Good luck.

In our last adventure, penned back before we wished our nation a happy birthday and I traveled to Alabama for a wedding: Jeremy Lamb looooooooves being a Rocket.

Winner, Russell S: "Awwww, you guys! Ron Artest's old Rockets jersey! You shouldn't have! And look ... it still smells of Old Spice and crazy!"

Runner-up, Rodeo Romper: "I will call you Stitch Face."

Second runner-up, The Devil: Jeremy Lamb's brief moment of euphoria was dashed moments later when he realized his first authentic NBA jersey was a Chinese counterfeit.

"Jerry West looks like Lisa Leslie," he was heard saying upon close examination. "eBay. Never again."